New Potatoes!

Has anyone tried these New Potatoes yet?  They come in a can, and I guess they have two varieties.  Round and sliced.  I say, its about fucking time.  I was starting to get sick of old, regular potatoes.

Ten Funniest Methods of Payment

10) Bag of jewels
9) Western Union
8) Theft (i.e., no payment)
7) Ski-ball ticket redemption
6) Three easy installments
5) (tie) Food Stamps (for poor pepole)/Regular stamps (for mail)
4) Writing a Check
3) First born child
2) One year of unlimited free Heimlich maneuvers
1) Cash, but always coming up one penny short

No Mustard Only Calls Shenanigans

No Mustard Only calls bullshit on some things

Window treatments.

Bullshit.  You know what is a treatment?  Chemo therapy is a treatment.  Those things on your window are fucking blinds.

"The Addams family started when Uncle Fester farted.  They all became retarded.  The Addams family."

Bullshit.  For one, how can a family begin with a fart?  The only thing that begins with a fart is a bowel movement.  For a family to start that way makes absolutely no sense.  Not to mention that the family had to already have been started by this point, as evidenced by 1) Uncle Fester was already around to make the fart in the first place, and 2) he was called "Uncle" Fester.  See?  The family already was started long before this alleged fart.  Can you imagine how gross of a fart it would have to be though, if the family really was started that way?  If a bald guy farted and out came this giant furrball (Cousin It) and a hand that lives in a box among others?  Totally nasty.  Then, we skip right ahead to them all becoming retarded.  This statement is logically more credible, but far lacking in explanation.  Why?  How?  You don't just "become" retarded.  Was it something in the fart that made them retarded?  Finally we conclude with a nice little summary.  The Addams family.  Finally some sense in an otherwise nonsensical statement.  Why someone would even say the rest of it is beyond me.  

They Grow Up So Slow

So I now have a one week old son, and I can't say that I agree with the popular observation that children "grow up so fast."  I think they grow up really slow.  At best, they grow up at an average speed. 

For example, I saw a mother at the supermarket yesterday talking with someone about her kid.  "He's already 7, can you believe it?" She said.  "Man, they really grow up fast don't they?"

No.  They don't.  It took SEVEN YEARS for him to get to that stage.  Michael Phelps had time to win 14 Olympic gold medals in that time frame, there's been two presidential elections, New Orleans was destroyed and rebuilt, and world peace started and ended in that time (ok - we wish that last one was true).  And the kid is still not even half your size.  They grow up slow.

Ten Best Valentine's Day Candy Sayings

10)  

9)

8)

 
7)

6)

5)












4) the novel series

 

3) naked lady
 

2)

1)

Ten Rejected Las Vegas Casino Ideas

10) The Golden-Brown Nuggett
9) Jarred's Sub-way-land (enjoy free Cold-Cut Combos, Baked Lays and Diet Pepsis at the tables)
8) BVD Grand
7) The Wynn, Dixie (elegance of the Wynn, convenience of the grocery chain)
6) Excalibur (rejected, but they still built it)
5) The Amish-ian
4) My Body, My Choice
3) Tehran, Iran
2) Circus Freaks, Circus Freaks
1) Weezer's Palace

End World Peace!

No Mustard Only would like to welcome all visitors of the End World Peace Blog.   That's right, No Mustard Only has merged with www.endworldpeace.com and will now be delivering occasional content on how we can end the plague that is world peace.

Why end world peace you say?  Because when you have world peace, the good guys are prevented from stopping the bad guys, so evil always wins. 

Join us in helping to END WORLD PEACE!

 

possible new logo of the End World Peace organization