Something to Think About

I like to call people dipshits, but what does that mean exactly?  Is it really an insult?  I don't think it means anything.  Neither does fuck face, ass clown, fart knocker or pecker wood.  If I had to guess at each of these terms, I would say a dip shit is a piece of stool that has been preserved, or coated in some way.  A fuck face is a facial expression worn by one engaged in the act of coitus.  An ass clown would be an entertainer that wears make up, large shoes, has a red nose and disproportionately large buttocks.  A fart knocker would be an individual that announces his presence at a doorway by flatulating.  And pecker wood might be a board, or a plank set up in an outdoor environment by a bird enthusiast to provide a training facility for young woodpeckers (Don't you think a really cool urban/sidewalk coffee place name would be the Peckerwood Cafe?). Anyway, none of these things are really all that insulting.  They just sound silly.  You might as well just call me a barf hero, or a piss follower.  How about, instead of dipshit, we say hip skip.  Instead of fuck face, we say fun face.  Ass clown - class clown.  Fart knocker - Heart stopper.  And instead of pecker wood, checkersgood (he's good at checkers). 


There is a sprinkler head in my office.  It is silver, and etched into it are the words "DO NOT PAINT."  Fuck that.  I like painting.

I don't like mittens because they take away the possibility to give a thumbs up.  Even if you gave something a thumbs up, people would just think you were wearin' mittens.  On the other side of the fence, some people might think you're giving everything a thumbs up and form weird opinions of you.  "What are you so pleased about?  It's bloody cold out here."  Also, it is difficult to point with any accuracy.


If you stacked all the Styrofoam cups used in America in a single year, one on top of each other, you would be exceptionally good at stacking Styrofoam cups, and it would have to be not very windy.